Toàn Quốc - Chính chủ cần bán gấp đất Bình Dương giá rẻ!!!

My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor.
After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said:
“So what would you say is bothering you the most?”
Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered:
“Billy, he always breaks my toys!”

 

A man ran into a doctor’s office and said “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the man poked his ankle and screamed in pain. Then he poked his knee and yelled OW. He poked his forehead and screamed again.
He was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.”
He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

 

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s office.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
She replies,“I´m having a baby.”
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

 

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

 

A professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, Physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth? You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

 

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

 

A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, so he began: “My name is Stone, and I’m even harder than stone, so do what I tell you or there’ll be trouble. Don’t try any tricks with me, and then we’ll get on well together.” Then he went to each soldier one after the other and asked him his name. “Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly, and don’t forget to call me "sir".
Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the last one. This man remained silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him, “When I ask you a question, answer it! I’ll ask you again: What’s your name, soldier?” The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied. “My name’s Stone-breaker, sir”, he said nervously.

 

Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"
Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one." (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"
Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim".

 

A man committed murder. To fight his case he was advised to hire a good lawyer. He checked one who asked for $100.
He thought this one is not good enough. The next one wanted $500. The next $5000.
He found a real expensive one who wanted $10,000. So the accused hired him.
Ultimately he lost the case and was sentenced to death.
As he was being taken to the death chamber, the first lawyer met him on the way and said " I would have got you this result for $100 only"!

 

One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of the woman who was trying to entertain them.
"What a terrible voice! Do you know who she is ?"
"Yes", was the answer. "She's my wife"
"Oh, I beg your pardon. Of course, it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. I wonder who wrote that awful song ?"
"I did", was the answer.

 

A: "Sorry, old man, that my hen got loose and scratched up your garden"
B: "That's all right, my dog ate your hen"
A: "Fine! I just ran over your dog and killed him".

 

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

 

During class, a skydiving instructor takes time to answer questions from the first-time students.
One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"
The jump master looked at him and answered in a straightforward voice, "The rest of your life."

 

A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road.
Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him. And lying in front of the car was a donkey.

 

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers.
"I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle," he explained. "Now begin!"
After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.
"Why did you stop. Smith?" demanded the officer.
"If you please, sir," said Smith, "I'm freewheeling for a while."

 

A young girl at school is being told of by the teacher. "You never get anything right," complains the teacher. "What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school?"
And the child replies, "I want to work on TV as a weather girl."

 

One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rummagged through the desk.
He replied, "Who said that?!"
Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"
The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, "Cornelius."
The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"
The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!"

 

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding.He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

 

A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter:
"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

 

One day, a teacher was attempting to teach the names of animals to a class of 5-year-olds.
She held up a picture of a deer, and asked one boy, "Billy, what is this animal?".
Little Billy looked at the picture with a disheartened look on his face and responded, "I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, I don't know.".
The teacher was not one to give up easily, so she then asked Billy, "Well, Billy, what does your Mommy call your Daddy?"
Little Billy's face suddenly brightened up, but then a confused look came over his face, as he asked, "Mrs. Smith, is that really a pig?"!