Toàn Quốc - Chính chủ cần bán gấp đất Bình Dương giá rẻ!!!

A guest is eating in a hotel restaurant, all of a sudden, he notices a dog.
It's sitting close by and staring at him. The man tries to ignore it but can't.
Eventually, the man calls over the waiter, "Excuse me, but why is that dog staring at me?"
And the waiter replies, "It's because you're eating from his favourite plate."

 

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying.
“Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”.
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself”

 

In life there are two things to worry about: either you are well or you are sick. If you are well then there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick there are only two things to worry about: either you get well or you die.
If you get well then there is nothing to worry about. But if you die there are only two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven then there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry.

 

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

 

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one of the men "Why are you eating the grass?"
"We don't have money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
The man answered "But sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along" replied the lawyer. The lawyer turn to the other man and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children?" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" replied the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem. The grass at my house is almost a foot tall."

 

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

 

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

 

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

 

After hearing that one of his patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behaviour indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."

 

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying.
“Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”.
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself”

 

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